Thursday, December 07, 2006

There's something about feeling lost that always gets me coming back. It's a whole lead up of desperate moments, each one filled with it's own tiny gasp of panic and frustration, just a step away from defeat. But we all wade through it. We all get to the bottom of that feeling, tilt our heads back and look up. Sound familiar? You got problems. But we've got something in common.

What you do at the bottom is the defining moment. Will you self-destruct or will you wrap yourself in the empty? Wait, is it empty or am I really just talking about a blank slate? Lots of people like to pull out their pencils, draw that straight line and point you to your beginning and your end. And sure there's an end and a goal. But after bobbing up and down enough times the shape of a wave just makes more and more sense. We all keep crossing over that same axis until it becomes familiar. I'm watching the horizon for the line to approach as I climb and never fear an impact during that long, awkward arms-flailing fall back down.

Give it enough cycles and even the empty starts to have it's own completely sensical shape and form and feeling. But most importantly it has it's reason. Lying alone on the the floor in the dark used to be defeat. Now it's anticipation. Close my eyes, shut the lights and turn off all the senses until something completely new starts to emerge.

What's person is going to lock into this oddly-shaped space and guide me this time?
Someone with something new to teach you.

What is going to make sense?
Not much. It rarely does.

How hard will it be?
Hard enough to make your eyebrows scrunch up when you're solving a problem

Where will I land when I open my eyes?

Hopefully still on the floor, in the dark, on your back. Just pray you land around the same time you left. It's surprisingly easy to accidentally slip out of this empty and into one you thought you'd left behind.


Anonymous jessica said...

i like you

9:29 PM  
Blogger Sylkk said...

i haven't had the time for daily blogging or reading lately and catch up when i find the proverbial free time.... i always look forward to reading and the feeling of stream of consciousness.

10:43 PM  

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