Thursday, November 16, 2006

Sure there's always the dream of getting the inside out. I laid it all on the table yesterday . But the scariest thing in the world is the idea that you just get lost. All the ridiculous choices and chances you've made or taken only come together if you succeed. Otherwise everyone is more than happy to write them all off as the stupid mistakes and accidents of a lost cause. The most deathly frightening thing is to embody the mistake.

There's always the temptation to search for meaning in places where you're sure they already exist. To strap into something that's comfortable and familiar and take it for a a ride. To get people to notice something special about you, even if it's just your ability to make all your doubts and problems fade away at 50 mph without an engine.

I'm on the brink of going down a familiar rode to remember how much is still inside. Maybe I'll fight it. Maybe I'll accept it. Sometimes I'll move back. Charge the engines. Rev it up for the jump.


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