Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The first time Ashleigh rolled up to my house in that Cabriolet everything was just starting to come together. I always knew she was coming because the car had come from a cousin who had pimped it out with big old rims and a racing exhaust. By the third time she came around I knew she was headed towards me with the top down and her red hair blowing across her face from the familiar sound of the exhaust half a neighborhood away.

Life was different then. Experiences were exciting, if only because they were always new and always accompanied different smells and sights and sounds. The smell of her perfume covering over the smell of cigarette smoke I thought was so cool. That stupid Nelly Furtado songs on repeat in the stereo. Getting lost in a big house with more rooms than either her or I knew what to do with.

It had taken a long time to come that far. To take all those amazing things inside me and get them out. Get them out and send them out in the right way. It's a delicate process bringing so much of what you are outside for everyone to see and doing in a way that makes them see the value and individuality and excitement. I was a cultivator for so long I had nearly forgotten what I was growing for. And bringing it out into the world let me live a whole different life outside, where it matters.

If there's anything that remains from those days it's hope. Because I've been growing something new for quite a long time now. Letting something different to take shape and nuturing it slowly. And doing a lot of that right here with you. Back then it took wood sealed to metal and plastic and a convertible and a girl with red hair to push the outside until it matched the in. This time I don't know what it's gonna take. Maybe it's this Macbook. Maybe it's you. Maybe, it's six strings or a plane ride or a phone call. Maybe it's something to simple to figure out just yet. But I'm waiting in that same room for the sound of someone's exhaust to come pick me up and get the inside out.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Je l'aime.

12:28 AM  

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