Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Dear nice girl who works at the Safeway checkout counter,

You're beautiful. And the first question I always ask beautiful girls is whether they think they're smarter then they are pretty or prettier than they are smart. It's a stupid game because whenever a girl says she's smart I tell her she must be a genius because she's so pretty. And anytime a girl says she's pretty I tell her that only smart girls will give you such a candid answer. I don't go to the supermarket very often but almost every time I do your glance catches mine and I know I wouldn't be able to play these silly little games with you.

I think you should know that right now I work at a newspaper. It's a small one and I only work three days a week and I'm not that proud of the writing they let me do there, and hell, they don't even pay me but that's where I pull my 10 to 6. I am telling you this because last night I had a dream that you and I met, and we made fun of all the silly people here in this town who pick up the paper to read my articles every morning and load their groceries onto your conveyor belt at the store every evening. Then I asked how the conveyor belt always knows when to stop at just the right moment. And you told me it's on a foot pedal silly. And that's when I realized you were perfect and I told you and you giggled. I told you that we should run away together to the Olympics because my body may have been built for the desert but my spirit is at home surrounded by the white of the ice and snow and your pale skin.

And you asked me what the paper would do while I'm gone. But baby, no one really gets journalism. Because only 10% of it is really worthwhile, the other 90% is to fill the spaces and sell the ads. I'm a ninety percenter and they can deal without me. So next week we'll be on a plane to Torino, Italy bringing you live coverage of the Olympic winter Games and the amazing array of European grocery products that aren't available on Safeway shelves.



Blogger Yossarian said...

funny story, i had never heard of a safeway until i moved to WA. I asked the guy at 7-11 where a grocery store was, he said there was a safeway a block away. i asked him, "what's a safeway?" he said, "depends on the size, ours is about 800 pounds."

9:21 PM  
Blogger Mo said...

surprisingly enough, although very rare in number, grocery store chicks tend to be more attractive than the average part time employee. go for it, man.

1:44 PM  
Blogger eric said...

very nice.

if she had said, "because it has a motion sensor, silly," would you have been even more enamoured?


2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck you, ask her out already.

3:57 PM  

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