Tuesday, October 25, 2005

It's November ladies and gentlemen and if you didn't already know it, now's the time girlies start wanting to pair up for the long winter ahead. You just can't meet a nice girl on Christmas or thanksgiving, you need to meet them new when they're trying to lock someone down to keep their feet warm under the covers until the stop getting shorter and everything at the mall starts to go on clearance sale.

A lot of people think I know a lot about girls. I swear to god I don't' but sometimes when people get an idea stuck in their head it hard to shake it loose. If you want to know the truth, they're all irrational and illogical and I'm pretty sure that given a choice between making and out and punching one of them in the face, there wouldn't be much hesitation to choose the latter.

But you live with two girls, they say. So what? You want to know what it's like to live with two smart, hot girls? Hell. They cry a lot. They're not stable. They never stop bitching about old boyfriends and new boyfriends and poorly their treated and all the tough decisions they have to make about inconsequential ridiculous things. They ask you if their outfit looks good and they're only looking for one answer. And as crazy as it is sometimes that answer is no. They think it's funny to jump under your covers to wake you up at 9 a.m.

But you work in a house full of 75 girls, they're amazing aren't they? Oh ya, it's real great to sit in the sorority dining room watching all the daddy's girls who quote bible scriptures on their facebook profile and then walk home on a sunday morning with their panties in their hand shove their face full of food in sweat pants because they only get dressed to leave the house, not to stay in. They shriek and they squeal and they make you happy to be a man.

But you're one of only two guys in a spinning class with a bunch of girls in spandex. Sure it's fun to watch for about the first five minutes until they all get sweaty smelly and flemmy. Trying to hit on me after class is a serious bad decision that they keep making.

Didn't you work at a magazine with 75% women over the summer? I guess I did. And I couldn't go one day without someone asking how my day was. I couldn't take a shit without the whole office knowing. And every weekend they tried to set me up with a different girl and the only girl I wanted that summer they couldn't make happen.

You want advice about girls?
Fine. I'll break it down for you just so we can move along to something worthwhile.

They like hot. Hot is good. If' you're hot you've got plenty going for you. But they think smart is better than hot. Be smart about how you talk to them. They'll eat it up. Oh, Hot and smart together already puts you past all the frat boys so don't even worry about them. We're fastracking past hot but you got to be careful because the key ingredient is funny. Watch out because funny beats the hot/smart duo almost every time. Add the three together and you're bulletproof. Be funny first. Then be smart. Then, be hot. And if you're not hot or smart (god forbid), get funnier.

Don't say I never did anything for ya k


Blogger Mo said...

ok, now i got it. now if i dont get girls, i should shoot myself.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Sylkk said...

You might just be on to something here ~

1:49 PM  
Blogger thegeneralx said...

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10:02 PM  

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