Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Ya, so you know I can write the fairy tale stuff when I'm in the mood and the mood is key. Emotions aren't frugal they're wild and unyielding and they're all friends. They're all connected and they're all conspiring against you. One second you can't live without her and the next you can't live with her. I love you. I love you so much. I love you so much that it hurts to be with you. It hurts to be with you. I hate to be hurt. I hate you. I Hate you. I can't stand you. I can't be around you. You disgust me.

Cue the ending credits and hit the lights because the movie's over. My movie, well it would have ended right there a year ago with those warm fuzzies. I chased the girl around and she chased me. But now we don't talk. Last time I had her on the phone she told me she was in a car in Idaho driving to Oregon. B lives in Oregon. Somehow she had hidden from me that they were back together. Because it's hard to keep tabs on a girl who is 2000 miles away. And it's hard for her to know how much she can hurt you. For her to understand that there's only one place she can ever go that you can't follow. And that she went there. There's no turning back no matter what fantasy world she lives in. Even if she tells you that she still thinks about you. Even if she says she can't call you on the phone because it hurts too much. Even if she gets back with him to fill that place in her life you left open.

Run. Run as far as you can to LA and surround yourself with beautiful women and fancy cars and tell yourself it will all be OK and that the story is always better then the real thing because it's free from doubt and distraction and blogs and inhibitions. Can you really know someone who lives 2000 miles away? When you only get to see each other for a week at a time. You don't learn the crinkle in her brow when she is annoyed. Or the way her toes cringe when she's having nightmares. Or smelling her in the living room when you come home from a long day on the road. Thing is you don't know her. And that's when you realize you're not in love with a girl, you're in love with a story. I can write the fairy tale stuff when I'm in the mood. Just don't ask me to live it.


Blogger Mo said...

long distance is always tough, man. i dont know how people do it.

keep ya head up. stay tough.

9:54 PM  

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