Sunday, April 24, 2005

Sometimes the stories are just so good I couldn't even make them up. Two things came to me this weekend.
1. If you don't get out you won't find anything more than what you've got
2. I've got luck. Not good luck. Not bad luck. Just luck. There's a higher percentage chance that unusual and uncommon things are going to happen to me. Good or bad. They just happen.

It's Passover and though most Jews have abandoned most archaic rules they've decided that it's important not to eat bread for a week out of respect for our ancestors journey out of Egypt. Passover dinner would have been plain. It was plain. Until I caught onto an unusual odor emerging from a 50+ year-old family friend sitting next to me. The man, who had come with his two kids and wife, reeked of weed. I wondered if I was the only one who noticed. His usual boisterous nature was unusually subdued. And I realized someone had started the celebration early.

Food Food Food.

I work in a sorority house. Last night was their formal. They were all coming down to the swanky hotel via bus, but because of Passover I had to arrive by car. I promised another girl in the JC (Jew Crew) that I would swing by and save her from Passover to hit the formal with me. I arrived just before 10 and she was getting dressed. Her mom let me into the living room where I sat with her and her two sisters. No prob. I work in a house with 80 girls all week long. 3 women can't faze me. It was like prom all over. The mom wanted pictures. I was wondering if my eyelids were hanging low from smoking with the family friend in the garage between the main course and dessert.

The hotel garage was dark but not so dark that we couldn't see the glass bottle of Bacardi we were pulling from. Pulling is a nice way of saying gulping. The dance floor is any man's heaven and when every girl knows your name and screams it drunkenly across the room you feel like a serious pimp. I made secret deal with the date that I wouldn't tell anyone about the family picture incident if she told everyone that I was an amazing dancer. Rumor spread quickly. Thing is, I can't dance. One particularly hot girl tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to dance. I swallowed the pride and out to the center of the floor we went.

Things were going smashingly when suddenlyI felt someone bump into my shoulder hard. I Turned around just in time to see the liquored up, 6-foot-tall Hawaiian Girl, carve a slow but entrancing arc from vertical to horizontal, pulling her dwarfed 5'8" date with her. As she lay there trying to gather her wits about her, I did what any classy ex would do, I pulled out my Elph and snapped a picture, turned around and kept dancing.

The night wound down, the busses were leaving and my date needed to get her purse so we walked back upstairs to the dancefloor. The room was empty save the DJ. I looked at him, he looked at me and we both knew we had a silver screen moment.

"One more?" he called to me before I could ask.

All I did was nod.

"what do you want to hear?"

I trust you.

So there I was, with my date, dancing alone in the ballroom to Counting Crows from Live Across the Wire. And I couldn't not kiss her, even if I wasn't really that into her. I just had to do it to cuz the moment was right.

And when we got back to my house, she told me that she had a copy of Kill Bill in her bag. So the hours of 2 to 4 a.m. were filled with separated limbs and spurting blood. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Today I got presented with the full-tuition scholarship for next year. And they sat me next to a pretty blonde from my class. In the moments between when the kids on the podium assured the uptight faculty in the room how much they want to work for National Geographic and The New York Times, she told me that she agreed with me, Three Amigos might be the best film ever made. It's all a wave and right now I'm at the top.


Blogger Mo said...

kill bill, three amigos, and a moviekiss all in one post? blog perfection if ive ever seen it.

11:16 AM  
Anonymous db said...

what mo said.

1:16 PM  
Blogger Pragmatik said...

And Counting Crows to boot? Sweet.

10:05 PM  
Blogger dan said...

Chevvy Chase is jsu the kinkg of comedy.

5:34 AM  
Blogger Sylkk said...

You do have luck!!

3:12 PM  

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