Monday, December 13, 2004

Doesn't the G2K realize that I can't be satisfied with her? Doesn't she understand that if I decided she was it and this was it and I knew that she was what I wanted, all of this would come crashing down around us? My entire universe is constructed on the basis of dissatisfaction. I have to be dissatisfied with where I am and what I'm doing and who i'm with. Becuase that's the only way I keep going. That's the only way I make it to tomorrow. It lets me keep my dreams alive. If I let myself be satisfied it means I'm settling. And settling means letting go of all those childhood dreams. That maybe one day you'll be president or an A list actor or a professional kite-surfer or a rock star or whatever it is that the poster on your old bedroom wall used to mean to you.

And now you're sitting in an office behind a desk and thinking that you have a job and the money you want and maybe you even have a house and a wife and a kid. And you're telling yourself that dreams are dreams and you weren't supposed to end up being something greater anyway. That there's something great about being comfortable. And I say fuck that, you settled. You let your dream die. OR you weren't willing to peek over the edge, close your eyes and take that step forward. And now I sit here with one final left and I'm probably looking back at a semester of straight A's and late night phone calls to the G2K. And I'm looking forward at an intership with a big magazine and maybe a job offer following that which would set me up pretty nice. But what I really want to do is jump out the side window. I want to hit the eject button and pack my bags, hit the road and drive the car down to that little piece of land my friend owns on the coast in Baja. Surf like a manic, bring my guitar and not leave until I bleed he blues and hone my acting skills. Meet some D.C. contacts I'll need for my presidential run and star in a fer indie flicks that will get my face noticed in hollywood. Kite-surf until I get invited to the pro circuit and fly around the world to find the best wind and waves. And then, maybe then, when I've seen the globe and spend my four years in office and jammed on stage with John Mayer and co-starred with Kevin Spacey then I can call up the G2K and be real. Tell her what I want to tell her. That I'm still not satisfied so lets do it all again.


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