Thursday, October 07, 2004

Theme for the Week: following through. you gotta follow through kids. I can't tell you how many times I've watched people work so hard for so long all to throw it away at the last minute because they got all ADD at the end and bitched out. Finish strong.

This Week's Reason for Being Disgruntled: Nepotism. I went east for the past weekend to a place I once made my home. And I looked around at all the people and all the opportunities that are given to them. All the kids in their boarding schools who then go to the small colleges who then get a job at an ad agency in NYC or have the chance to get into Harvard Law so that their kids may do the same thing and so on and so forth. I'm disgruntled at them, partly for having these opportunities, but also at myself for breaking through from the upper-middle class into their world and then turning my back on them and not following through on my opportunity- even though I was chasing my sports dream of becoming the professional watermelon seed spitter that I had always dreamed of. I hate the system only because I want to be a part of it, feel its security and explore all of its opportunities.

Reason to shake in my boots: I Saw the G2K this weekend. Remember her? Well when I told the story I explained how we spent time in NYC and her and B and I were together, I was leaving soon and B liked her so I got the two of them together. Of course she went away to Europe and they split and he got a new girlfriend and him and I were still friends. But the week before I came something happened that I did not expect. B broke up with his girlfriend, spent time with the G2K and professed his surviving love for her. He told her all those things I'm sure she wanted him to say when they were together.

In fact, B is not the only man in the past few weeks to tell her they desire her. So here I am, 2000 miles away while guys are literally throwing themselves at her. She made it known that She and B could never be together and he made it known that I was in the wrong for getting involved with a friends girl (which I cannot dispute, though I do feel I gave him a fair chance). And I feared that, upon my visit, we might come to blows. Not a horrible resolution except for the fact that in the months since my west nile bout and the added stress of recent life, I have lost about 12 pounds and am no longer in shape to do battle. Luckily, though we saw each other only from a distance, and made it a point not to come too close. Perhaps when I can put the weight back on, perhaps.

Reason to be Sad: My life is out west, it's where my heart is. her life is out east, it's where her soul is. Someday she'll drift away from me and adopt a new philosophy that doesn't' keep the two of us in mind. She'll move into someone else's place and stare into some other's eyes. But not today.

Reason to be Happy: When she told me everything about B and her and how she felt lost I was 10 minutes away form boarding my overnight flight. If need be I would spend my whole trip with my other lady, the city of Boston. But as I flew through the skies and slept she left me a message. The kind that sort of changes your life. I told her earlier that everything between us was fine. But when I saw her a few days later, fine became great, great became amazing, amazing became a word I don't think I've learned yet and that word turned into a feeling in the pit of my stomach... the moral of the story is don't eat strange, unknown words because they make your stomach cranky.

Reason to be Confused: My sister. She was in Africa vomiting non-stop for two weeks. Now she is on a plane home. Doctor's can't find anything physically wrong with her. Something fishy is going on.

Reason to Panic: I don't think I want to work for a newspaper ever. But I'm a news-ed journalist student. This may need to be remedied. Keep posted.

Second Reason to Panic: A sorority girl asked me to dinner for tomorrow night. I didn't say no. Wait a minute....

Reason to gigady-gigady-gigady: A sorority girl asked me to dinner for tomorrow night. I didn't say no.

Final Thoughts: this post sucks. I'm looking for a big rebound but I need some inspiration.


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