Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Sometimes I think this blog needs to relax. Sometimes I want to just ill it like That Ashley Girl. I could spend all day talking about sex and people I want to sex and people who I have sexed and how damn sexy I am. But really I'm not sexy. I'm a dude and dude's aren't sexy. I mean, we can be handsome and maybe even attractive but not sexy. Sexy doesn't have a hairy ass. I am a guy and us guys have hairy asses. What could possibly be more disgusting that a hairy ass? I am so glad it's on the back side of my body because I would definitely have a serious break down if I had to look at it everyday. And I'm sorry to all those girls out there who have to look at all us guys. Cause you all are so damn sexy. With your long hair and your shaved legs and shaved whatever else you have shaved (and if you haven't shaved or waxed anything else I really think you need to take a long look at yourself and come up with a good reason why you haven't). But really you are sexiest when you know you are sexy. And when I can feel it in when you look at me and in the way you talk on the phone and in your e-mails and your smile. You're just all so damn sexy. But for some reason you're not sexy when you tell me that looking in my eyes makes you want to be a better person. I don't know why. It just doesn't.

There are really only 2 reasons I can think of that I would really love to be in a movie. The first one would be to do a dance scene like Napoleon Dynamite. The new TV spots brought that memory back to life. I just want to get up there and show y'all that I have skillz you would never believe. The second and most important reason I would want to be in a movie is so I could do "the walk." You know the one. The slow-motion walk. Maybe with a posse too. One guy to might right, a guy/girl to my left, but just one step behind. There really is no uncool way to do the walk. All you gotta do is walk and look expressionless. The camera does the rest. Just once I want to see me doing the walk. And if by some feat of unknown luck I got to both do the dance scene and the walk my third choice would be to walk around New York City, alone, maybe in the rain, looking really sentimental, intoverted and maybe a little sad with Randy Newman belting out a song in the background. In fact, that might come before the dancing one. So here's the new list, the walk, Randy Newman in NYC, the dance, a month long orgasm, and that thing about all the children of the world joining hands and singing a song of peace or whatever... That reference might be a little too old for most of you. Oh well.

In other less dramatic news, I found a place to live. I didn't cut it too close this time either. I only have to be out of my apartment by tomorrow. So it's moving time. What does this mean for you and me? It means I won't have to make up some crazy excuse that I had a horrible debilitating virus this time when I don't stop here...I mean..uhhh...nevermind. Tomorrow is my send off lunch at the magazine. Ironic that they're going to send me off and then ask me to come in for work on Friday. But I shall persevere. Soon this blog will be my very own busblog. Thanks to the free bus pass I am provided as a student, I will now ride the bus from my new abode into town whenever I'm too laze to ride my bike. The sad thing is the new place is in the nice part of town and sits on top of a hill. So really the ride into town would really be more like a coast.

Is there anyone out there watching the Olympics? I don't think so. Apparently there are hundreds of seats that just aren't filled in tons of events. I guess that's what happens when the world's noblest sporting event is in a crackpot city and designed for the sole purpose of selling all the kids Coke cans and Nike Shorts. Sorry, I'm bitter. At least Tyler Hamilton took a gold in the Cycling time trial today. I felt so bad for him in the tour. I'm hoping Italy will represent in 2006. But I'm mot so sure anymore.

Last but not least, I have never watched Sex In The City. And though I realize it's a tamed down version, I enjoyed checking it out on TBS last night. It's witty in the I-don't-have-to-think-to-hard way. And it gives me a peek-even if it's a skewed one- into the world of the female mind. It gains my seal of approval. If only I had HBO. If only I had HBO and Tivo and a rabbit in a hat and a six foot bat.


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