Friday, August 13, 2004

Normalcy and a letter to Tony P.

Things are getting back to normal. I rode my bike to work this week. Some time I forget how lucky I am to live where I do. And I have to kick myself. Cause I forget that my everyday things are beautiful. I saw many things this week. I saw a lot of pretty girls. I went to the bars. I drank. I danced. I got e-mails and wrote e-mails and I wondered, just like I always do, how the hell I ended up where I am. A girl I have worked with at the catering company come up to me in the bar last night. She was drunk and looking for some lovin. This town is filled with beautiful, young girls in tight shirts and short skirts. Filled. And I'm realizing I'm in a bad way. I read Tony Pierce's post today about Gov. McGreevey being unfaithful to his wife. And how Tony kept faithful to a girl he loved:

college was tough. I gotta say that.
jeanine and i were madly in love, but we had some neighbors, and friends who were tempting.
hell, all of isla vista was a calvacade of hot tamales walking around in their miniskirts or cut offs.
i learned a technique that i ended up using later in life because it worked.
if i saw a hot chick walking down the street i looked down on the ground
if a cutie said hi to me, i would look at her shoes.
people probably thought that i was a rain man because i wouldnt look them in the eye and i would stutter a lot and i would say definately a lot.

And I really wanted to write him a letter and ask for some help. But that kid from Chokey Chicken beat me to it. I'll let it slide because I read his story about the Doctor's Visit from Hell some weeks back and have some respect for him. But I still wanted to write Tony. So I wrote him an e-mail anyways. And right before I sent it I thought, maybe y'all should hear it too. So ya, I'll sell my soul to the blogosphere. That's fine. Maybe you can weigh in too.

My Letter To Tony Pierce of the Busblog:

Hey Tony,
I've been cruising the busblog today and I saw what you said about McGrady and cheating and being in love, etc etc. And I dunno if you've seen the truth blog lately but I kinda got myself in an interesting situation. What the hell am I writing you for? Well your post kinda hit home. When you talked about Jeanine. Cause like you I live in a town with a lot of pretty girls. A lot. And I'm in my early 20's and though I'm no Fabio, I can go up to a good looking girl and feel confident enough she'll at least talk to me. And somehow I fell for this girl who lives forever away. And I don't know if it's worth it. Already I am at the bars looking at pretty girls. And they're looking at me. And I'm so young. And so foolish.

I'm not asking you what I should do or what you would do if you were me or... Fuck. I don't really know what I'm asking. I guess I just feel like you have been there. Or in the town next door. And I want to know how you know when that girl, that amazing girls who's funny and witty and beautiful and brilliant and quirky and wild in the sack and maybe just what you've been dreaming of and thinking of and hoping for just can't work. How do you know when the distance is to far? How do you know when the other pressures are just too great?

There's always a million reasons to go your separate ways and only one reason to stay. But when is that one reason not enough? Do you ever wish you stayed with Jeanine? Do you ever wonder what if? And I won't take that "oh, you'll just know" bullshit for an answer. Cause I know where that leads. I just don't want to turn out like McGrady. (And though I hope you will not need the reassurance, I don't mean the gay part, I mean the cheating part). I'm not even with the girl officially. That's the best part. It's the unspoken togetherness. And I don't want to ruin it. Can I do bad things to other girls and just not tell her about it because she is so far away? Should I hold out? Should I say goodbye? Should I say that maybe we just need to wait? I dunno. Sorry, this letter has deteriorated. Probably like my fidelity soon will. Anyways, any insight form you would be helpful. Thanks Tony.

The truth blogogoger

So I put it here for you to read. Comments people, comments.


Blogger mindovermatter said...

I think the "you'll just know" bullshit answer actually does apply here. I mean, granted, I've never experienced true, all-out romantic love...but I don't think anyone can explain what it means using language. Language wouldn't do it justice. So you MUST just know. And if you get to that point, where you just know, I wouldn't ignore it even if those pesky dimensions of time and space are trying their damndest to fuck with you. And I'd try not to worry about the future or the past. Live, and love, in THIS moment.

Anyway, thats just my two cents...

10:17 PM  
Blogger Meera said...

This something that requires an honest self-examination. Consciously. Beyond logic. It should not require or be biased by other's insights. Not even the concerned girl's.
After all, love doesn't happen everyday. And "IF" this is love, go for the kill. Seize the day!
The "IF" is a choice and the responsibility that comes with the choice. In other words, a reflection of the person YOU are. Don't give a damn about what others say. Including what I have written now.
Best Wishes.

8:40 AM  
Blogger Meera said...

An afterthought :: "IF" you are in love, fidelilty will never be an issue. It would be the most natural thing in the world. Like breathing. Hmm...

8:43 AM  

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