Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Not Good vs Evil...Just Love

Saw another flick tonight. I haven't seen a movie in the theater since December and in the past 7 days I have seen 3. Tonight's movie was a slap in the face. And trust me, not in the way you would expect. Spiderman 2 had it all. It had it all and it told a story that I know far too well. But when I tried to figure out what really made it so great, I realized that is wasnt't he story. I understood that it all boiled down to just one thing. That one thing that I think more and more of my life is about. Love. And not just Peter's love for Mary Jane. The whole movie is laced with love. How a man loves a woman. How 3 different men love a woman. How a man loves his father. How a man loves his best friends. How a man loves his family. How a man loves his work. How a man loves the community in which he lives. How a man loves his purpose. And above all, how, when he gets down to the utter essence of his soul and being, a man finds he is nothing more than what he loves and what loves him back. This movie makes you want to be a superhero. And then it doesn't. And then it does again. And you realize that PP is going up and down just like all the rest of us. But when he's up he's way way up.

So if it's so great, why was it a slap in the face? Because love was already on my mind. Because I see so much of my own pain in a movie like that. It was the "pull yourself together" kind of a slap in the face. Because I can't go looking for love. No. The TMG told me that herself. And I hate it when people tell me not to go looking for love because that's when you are least likely to find it. Then I think about the phrase "fall in love." It's not get in love or even jump in love. It's fall in love. Because really, that's all you can do. When your walking down the street and you not looking. There's the giant pothole of love. If you're watching where you step you can't fall in. Obviously brilliant men,hell, even stupid men have known this for ages. But sometimes you have to learn form experience. Sometimes words just aren't enough.

The saddest part is the pattern I see. The pattern of cycling through girls in a time in their life when they don't have that much love to give. Because really I dojust don't want to give that much love. It gives me a reason, like PP, to never really be 100% there. Because my mind is locked away in purpose. The ladies are always telling me how a piece of me is locked away. How a piece is so secretive. And you can give up that silly skin tight suit (I certainly did) and the lies and the meaning but in the end, we are who we chose to be. And who we chose to be is who we chose to love and let love. Peter was caught between his love for the right and his love for Mary Jane. Me, well I think it gets a little bit more complicated.


Blogger Pragmatik said...

In the incredible essay "Ordo Amoris" (The Order of Loving, I think), Max Scheler says something similar. The essence of a man is the order of his loving and hating. He even claims that you can get to the very heart of a man and figure him out entirely if you can figure out the order of his loving.
The essay is in this book, if you're interested:

8:54 AM  

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